Valark's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[My First Game!!!]

Don't Bother Trying

No matter how far you get in this game, you will never finish. This is because the last ten percent is literally impossible.

You are presented with a screen full of randomly appearing and crawling bugs, and the instructions "The last 10 percent! Game is loaded but there are bugs. Don't let them get away! Kill them all! Remember, clicking on them slows them down!" The bugs appear from off screen and make their way at varying speeds towards the alternate edge, growing red to indicate that they are about to escape. When you click on a bug, it is randomly pushed to some other point, where you must click it three more times to get it to disappear, moving and being pushed all the while. If a single bug makes it across, your progress is reset.

Assuming you don't mind frenzied, random clicking, this wouldn't be much of a problem if it weren't for the massive AddictingGames logo in the bottom right corner. If so much as a single bug crawls under that ad, it will escape and reset your progress as you angrily close the several resulting AddictingGames tabs that pop up when you accidentally click it. Add that to the chances of a bug spawning in a corner and making it off the screen in half a second flat and you have a completely impassible level.

3 of 10, for interesting concept, but absolutely dreadful execution and wholly impossible-to-complete game.

[Every day the same dream]

Take THAT, Roger Ebert!

This game is art. A harsh, conformist environment in which the subject undergoes a series of minor, but significant world-view altering changes in an attempt to, literally, make himself a new person.

Also, the graphics and music didn't hurt.

[Darkness - The Cage]

Finally...

When I first saw the premise for this game, I felt equal parts angry that someone was ripping off Ian Dallas and happy that someone had taken the time to put together a playable version.

When I first began to play, I felt equal parts happy that Dallas had been credited as inspiration and angry that it was a simple platform game and not the full 3D shooter game that Ian advertised.

When I finished the game, I was pretty much just bored with the subject and voted 5 for the heck of it.

Also, Dallas needs to finish his game. Like soon.

[Canabalt]

Pretty Awesome

This was an excellent cinematic game, the artwork was very well done, and the trade-off between constantly increasing speed and hitting crates to slow down in order to make certain jumps was a very interesting game mechanic. But I've got to ask:

Why both x and c? They're right next to each other, why not just have the one or the other? Or spacebar, for all it matters?

[A blobs tale]

Not Bad

Altogether, a well-presented game. The artwork and game dynamics were all great, and the music complimented the somewhat darkly cute atmosphere. I just have one complaint...

What type of ground is that Blob walking on that his footsteps sound like a freakin' racehorse everywhere he goes? I mean, in the cave that was somewhat acceptable (though an echo would have been nice), but walking through a grassy field or on snow should in no way ever make that sound.

It's distracting is all, I guess. Otherwise, nice game.

[Toss the Turtle]

Great Remake!

Always good to see the Nataca Crash genre re-explored. This game obviously has many improvements over Nataca (I especially love the upgradability), and the use of random Nintendo and Newgrounds characters made it more relatable. Keep up the good work!

[Free Will - The Game]

Pretty good.

While the ironic portrayal of "free will" is manifested through both the final pun and the literal replay feature, this game was otherwise pretty basic and straightforward. The look and feel of the game was amazing, and I really liked the GameBoy style you gave this. Altogether, a good joke, but not all that much of a game.

Also, the Doeo cameo did not go unnoticed.

raitendo responds:

Good you noticed. GameSetWatch referred to it a "cat-faced sun".

[Maverick]

This is a great game, but...

...You are aware that it's possible to get yourself moving fast enough to move through walls, right? Only up and down from what I've seen. I did this at first by accident but then started using it to breeze through the first five or so levels. I also busted through the top of the screen and got to level negative twenty.

I do like this game and though you nailed the retro feel, I just want to make sure you're aware of the whole moving-through-walls thing.

[Seed of Destruction]

So...

...a delusional and sadistic cowboy riding a giant flying sperm whilst killing and destroying everything by either crashing into them or flicking them with it's tail, including the military regiments that attempt to stop it.

Is that about right? I want to describe it correctly when I recommend this game to my friends. It was amazing.

[The Kitten Game]

Makes Kitten Killing Fun!

I expected this to be a crude shock game, but it was actually very well put together with lots of attention to character design and environments. Well done, I now have a genuine desire to shoot limbless cats!